♥Only Me♥

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

So Sad

So much things happened last week + this week...

1st is my ah ma passed away on 16oct... 2nd is... i lost 2 love ones..

I seriously duno whether i had fallen in love with you. But i think of you more than another people even at work. I wondering what you doing. Will sms me not.. How's you day. Even til now...

I always wonder whether is it i owe my sis her past life. So this life i had to suffer so much. God put her to be my sis and make me suffer. I always think of this.. Im not sure whether he is love her alot of what. But i do believe he love me once.

Starting my words all is too harsh ba. Maybe im angry thats's why i say out what i dun feel good in. But i somehow regrets it. I tried to put it back la. Today got a new job. I been thinking of him while i was working. After some thinking i realise maybe i know what you're doing. Maybe i had understands it le. I let go of my hands because i got no choice no matter how much i wish to holdon to it..

Now for what i feels that i think i can understand what you're thinking le, i feel like holding on again le. I will wait... But i stil can't get myself out of the sorrow. Ah ma, i hope u can bring away this sorrow of mine. I m utterly sad. I duno why. Maybe i felt stress Maybe i m suffering depression. I loss my appetite for days le. Or maybe even 1 week le. I eat less and lesser and now never eat. Lol. Sorry make frens that is reading it sad for me?

Maybe pity me or what as well. Hais. You're no longer concern about me since yesterday ba, When i oso got say abt i start new job tdy. u nv ask wat job etc. And... hais duno want say wat le..

When you say, "i pick her, at least for now. future no1 knows." I do regret that i say alot nonsense like get married with her, tat is my wish <- i think of this b4.. Coz its the best for her ba.. And say other nonsense as well ... maybe i had hurt u. when u say, farwell etc, maybe i will be ur xiao mei. I felt sad. But i duno "i pick her, at least for now" this words is hiding something in ma. Now i guess maybe got.. Well i need to try to walk out of my sorrow.. I had never think of someone so much and sad over it so long. Maybe coz ah ma passed away as well, My heart cant take it. Maybe i really fallen in love with u. Hope to see you after u return from msian ba. I m sry for what i say in a harsh way like " dun need call le" But i do get quite angry when i told u i reach 4-5pm but u say i told u 430pm... I oso got sms u saying i reaching boonlay. so u can prepare to come mit me. But u say hp will oways be with u. endup oso put inside ur bag or hers and nv saw my msg. Quite sad and angry at that point. I saw ur backview while i board the escalator. I really cant bear to leave u. I duno how long will it take for me to walk out of this sorrow.. I guess it will take very long.. I duno ur heart ever loves me before or just like me or just something like replacement or just like u say de more den a fren less den a gf. Mistress ba i guess. HAHAHAHAHA