♥Only Me♥

Monday, October 12, 2009

I HATE THIS FUCKING SHIT!!!!!

Today, Sunday, 11/10/2009 Worried and Confused Day. Sunny and Stuffy Day.

Today i actually should starts work at 5pm de. But because yi(ee) rong went to East Coast there for bicycle riding and don't know got into what kind of accident so she can't make it to work on this weekends. I don't feel like working on Saturday so i lie to them that i meeting my friends le. Because they confirm will ask why i never go out don't want go out. I'm quite sick of this question when they ask me. We don't want work means don't want work.. Why you must ask why we not going to work since we got nothing on and will slack/rot at home... It's some kind of dumb question you know...

So i go work at 12pm today. In the morning got message my friend say today weather so hot. But they bo reply. So nevermind la. Start work le... 430pm break til 530pm. Inbetween i got SMS Joseph and my sis as they today got meetup. And as my Manager got ask about my sis want find full-time or part-time job, Cashier ok for her anot. So i asked her during my break. And also told her about a Account Admin post. But she only reply me a "ok np" so i reply to her and ask her something again. Never reply le. Fine.. Think is she can anytime any day start work de ba. So no need reply also ok la...

At certain time... My heart suddenly felt that i'm worried of them. I do not know why. Maybe because that time i'm quite free. And i go SMS them lo since i quite free la. Well they both got reply once each. And then after i knock off frm work.. I been thinking what did i had replied Joseph. I just can't recall. So i SMS-ED him saying i was thinking i just now replied him what i can't remembers it yet. And how's looking for house for my sis? Well well... Never reply. Fine i take it as your handphone no battery liao. So i don't intend to message to another handphone cause it's pointless =D You guys got your reason for not replying straight and maybe or i guess i can guess why?

OH YA I MISSED ONE THING.

At 10+, her bf got called me and asked about whether i'm with her. But i told him that suppose got meet them, but i last minute had to work full shift so i never meet them up. And he say ok thx and hangup le lo.

So i got sms both of them at different timing saying about her bf got called me up. And both bo reply again. LOL About at least 30mins later she reply me that she is "prawning". And i say about her bf is worried or what when she replies that he is "spot-checking" on her... And "nvm ba"

So i reached home at least 1130pm le ba. He online at about 12am ba. So he come msn me. Say about what i totally can't remember although it's only about 2hrs ago de things... I only remember about the word "prawning"

And then he called me lo, i asked where they go. As while i'm still working and on my way taking MRT home i also got SMS another friend. SMS her outing with WM today and what i been thinking today when i'm working. So she suddenly remembers that she "saw" my sis and a guy sitting close. And the woman ......

I just wondering la... Will they take bus meh. lolx. But i also got asked where they go shop shop around today, and told them the thing that my friend say she saw. So he say can't be as the timing like clash. HAHAHAHA

AIYA WHATEVER LA DUH

While i was on the train, maybe i didn't stretch my back well. And i felt my back ach-ing... And the leg got "Feng Mo" so quite itchy sometimes... So i talk on phone was abit pissed. And i'm quite tired actually. Yesterday never sleep well at all. Sleep awhile wake up awhile. Hais. So i say i want sleep le. He don't believe and say i got sleep so early de meh.. And he asked about my MSN nick. So i saying the chess piece is about i never go see doctor for my leg problem la. Aiyo..

Don't believe again. So i saying whether want me to webcam show it. Then he/they ask what happened =_=

Actually i'm not scare you will read my blog. As since i don't even know where the hell you found it... You just don't want to say it. So i'll not ask further. Michelle says use google might can found it. LOL

Another thing about i'm not going to chat on phone is because i don't feel like/uncomfortable. And my sis is around, you should accompany her NOT me. Got you chat with me not also not really a must.

I'm just trying to say that... You should concentrate on her. And i should learn to be strong. Be no longer soft-hearted. I seriously hate this world. Or all i hate is my life. But i love the friends i got in my life. Except one.

I suppose to be on bed now... I keep thinking of NONSENSE. LOOK IT'S NONSENSE! And i felt that i feel like blogging. So i turn on my computer again and starts to blog.

Oh ya the story haven't finish right =_= So 6+ they already in his house. Then 7+ ba another friend reach there to find house for her. And now he should be back to his own house. And so left they two in that room. He once says that let other people stay there doesn't looks good as is a rental house also. Not saying i trying to HINT WHAT LA.

I just saying.. Dam... I don't know say what.. Just no comments ba. I been hinting you i will choose to leave i guess. Or i just don't dare to say out from my mouth. But...... i once told myself that i guess i'll not be the one saying i want to leave. But... Now my "arrow" seems to be turning back to what i had been think on Saturday.

DUH DAM IT DAM IT DAM IT

I hate this man(Not refering to i hate you).. I'm sitting infront of my computer without fans on and i'm sweating. lol

I hate the thing in the world called L.O.V.E i had never wants to try it or believe in it. I tried to believe it on you! BUT i still find that i can't trust the word much. As i still believe in myself more ba. I guess...

Just don't know what's running in my brain now. Maybe is grass.

I also doubt you will read all. As you mention before you just briefly reads it =)

I'm so sorry to my friends that reads on my blog once in awhile or checking whether i got update not... I don't wanna put it under my MSN nick le. Confirm people will ask what is the link. Maybe i should change it to only i can reads it. Hahahaha

Nah... I'm typing out what i want to say in my heart now ba. Not full but maybe at least 1/3 ba... That's why i got a blog at the first place? For venting...

I trying to to vent on my friends. As when i'm pissed, my tone is bad. Even online.

But BUT i seriously abit don't want to let go nia ba. So means i should let it go. Why hold on when things shouldn't be your. I quite find that our start is a wrong. I can't tell you why.. It's just my feeling. My heart and my eyes been crying for the time when i feel hurts. I don't like it. I may not cried badly but the tears just drop down by itself slowly.

Just like the worried feel i got it today. I keep tell myself don't be silly la. Siao, they confirm looking around at houses now. But in the evening le got people see house de meh. I got think of this but i never ask or because i'm just too busy at that moment to ask or just can't be bother. OR is i choose to believe in you. But maybe i'm wrong. Why Why Why? Can you even tell me WHY YOU ONLY SAY THAT SHE IS AT THERE WHEN YOU GOT HOME AND ONLINE?

Not i can't SMS during my working time. Is just reply slow. I seriously DON'T KNOW HOW BUSY YOU TWO WERE FOR NOT EVEN THE f**king hell to reply a simple MESSAGE. fuck it. I had never say this kind of words in blog since after the Zouk things. I just need to vent it. Luckily i off on Mon. I decided not to SMS you. I can tahan it. Just like on Saturday i know i had made him angry so i never SMS again. For the whole day. I though of SMS-ing him but i called it off. No point explaining/saying so much.

I told Michelle this things she replies me that the more we SMS she get more angry or is pissed ba. As she also can't get what is on his mind. And i should leave and don't give a dam. I just don't want things to be in a SHIT MESS.

I want everything to turn out good and peace. So you two together is the good. And i leave is the peace. Ain't you think so? It's the perfect way to made none of us sad. Maybe i will la... But not for long. I'm quite Happy-Go-Lucky.. maybe... maybe...

My friend says i'm just a replacement. Sometimes i think this way. Not because of my friend nor him. This thinking always in my mind. I got one Manager once stead with another colleague. We were called his 1-4th wife while we're working together. Got keep in touch sometimes after we never work together le. And they break up one day, so he asked me to be his GF. At the very point i rejected as i'm sure i'm just a replacement. And i don't like him at all infact sometimes hate..

CRAP... I TURN THOSE PAST OUT AGAIN.

Shit la.... Never ending post... Today at work is not bad just that Shaun or Shawn. Still can't keep the counter well... I had to keep up all shit mess. Should had let me stand there since 12pm de lo...

Minru, don't think so much le. You and You also.

Minru is just here to vent... You don't have to care so much or ask me so much.

Just like you say de, everything also no need to tell so detailed ba. Or no need to say everything ba. I don't know you well this is all i can say. The you now and the past changes how much i'm not sure just that i still trusted you. The you now is how i can't catch it yet. It's maybe same as what you says. I only see the surface, i don't know you well. Or we don't know each other well. Fuck la. Neverending words again.zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just let everything go, minru. You're old and mature enough to think well.

(Yea maybe..)

But it's true that you two together is the best la. I'll give you guys all my bless for my whole life. As i only need bless at work. I just seriously don't know what is L.O.V.E ba so i'm there to made myself suffer now?

Basically you should be quite clear what you want. Just that your other "soul" is trying to tell you another things. I believe you want to be with her. So i want to step down. But you're currently stuck in here. If i step down is good for you. You will not suffer and confused anymore.

And i believe, even you say i'm a good woman/girl. I believe i will not be a good wife. The opposite of you.

Now i maybe had to plan what to say the next day to you. I just can't think of a proper way of words to say.... I scare i scare i scare!!! I scare my heart can't control and force my tears out. If tears started to drop, the way i talk will be more and more can know that my tears is dropping down.

I don't want this to happens. I don't want you to heard it and felt guilty and heart aches as well... IT'S NOT WORTH LA....

Crap i better stop it. If not i say until 6am also haven't stop. LOL

Did you guys enjoy your day today? I guess they got... Cause no full details had been told. Enjoy the rest of your life as well together.

May you two happily marry everyafter. BAI TOU DAO LAO~~~~

Me?? Gu Du Zhong Lao. LOL NO! Is Ying Nian Zhao Shi.

I only wish to live until max 50+ Maybe i shall retired at around 40 as well. The amount of $ i kept until insurance i wonder can last me ma~

Woot SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP~ TOMORROW SEE DOCTOR~ Spare $ to be spend on this i'm quite sad... Even dad ask got $ ma i ofcourse will say got. The reason i don't wish to go see doctor also because of the medical fee.... Well who ask me this few years badluck. No one to blame. HEI HEI HEI

Nights all.... Sorry all.... Sorry Him and Her... And lastly. Sorry.. Heart...