♥Only Me♥

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

FEAR...

Recently, i played a quiz in facebook. It's say that the thing i most fear of is -Allodoxaphobia - Fear of opinions.

You don't like it when people tell you what they think of you, either it is good or bad. You enjoy life more when people keep their comments to themselves (which is not easy for any of your friends). You need to just calm down and take their advice. Even if it goes against everything you believe in. Trust me, you need help!!!

This is kinda funny. Ok, there's another one that's more accurate. Not only for me, but michelle's answer too.. Title is : How is your life? And the answer i get is.. Your life sucks

Everything has been going the opposite way! Nothing has been going according to plan and feel as if no one likes you or cares about you.. but that doesnt matter.. u have your self and everyone ELSE...

I really feel like no one like and cares about me.. Since primary 5 or 6. I been bullied by random or same people over the same things. In primary school, is about sitting at hall.. They push me and force me to sit behind... In secondary school, they make fun of me.. by drawing my maths book and i got fed up tear my maths book apart threw it away and bought a new one. Or making fun of my name by scolding around xxx love minru. It's not fun to play with people's name..

It's like everywhere i go study in i get condemned. Just like i'm in higher nitec. I don't know what kind of girls is those. their mind keep saying the same people's bad or random people. Except for that, i don't really heard them say another things before. Well, they're only older then me by one. All looks so evil... Making fun of people = to fun for yourself i know. But can you girls not always say people's bad? I wonder why you girls can get a boyfriend. Maybe they are as evil as you or just the opposite. Living up til now, i only likes Ite nitec life. The most relax and it's the only places i feel some cares. Or only at work. I can only find happiness while working. I can laugh at all lame things, joke around, make fun of each other during work.. I don't understand why the teachers in simei so f**k up.

My form teacher which she teaches my class in Ite nitec before, i can say that everyone in that class hates/dislike her. BUT when i first went into Simei Ite, knowing that she was my form teacher i find that, oh, so concidental.. Not bad.. After a few months of studying that far including i had to rush for work after school.. I began to get irritated by school. They are impatient.. If you ask too much of the questions they began to talk badly or saying things like, why you so stupid or why can't you get it? I'm don't want to teach you le..

Hais.. I heard this kind of words i get so sad. Why they like this? Someone expect me to face the two same teachers forever in one year? OH MAN.. IT'S SO SICKENING... I can study well, but i choose not to BECAUSE you the teachers makes me so sick of it!!!

I started to skip lesson/school. Form teacher keep calling. Ok, i went to school when i want to.. She told me, why don't you study, what is yor plan huh. I told her AIYA just go on as the day goes by. She told me YOU CANNOT LIKE THIS SAY. You should plan for your future. Fine.. Not really important to me, when i see that this world is getting meaningly. She even told me, why don't study? If you go out work, those people at work is more unpredictable, they will be more ambitious.. What the hell is this.. I find that school is more worse... Well, maybe only applies to those girls. Maybe they found out this blog of mine and they saw this. I don't care. Even this story had been 3yrs old. I just want to get something out to vent about it.

I began to sick of love as well, There really isn't many good guys out there now. Even it's good, it had been someone else husband or boyfriend. Guy how can you expect girls to trust you if you're just aiming for sex? By not giving you or by not satified you, GAME OVER. Even if that there's is someone that is my best choice, he doesn't makes the first move, what's the point? Expect me to tell you/ask you. Or even ask you, you was also like don't want to say ok/yes to me. Even if i ask you, you was like wanting to hide your face. Why you want to hide your face?

I don't really goes by look. Most importantly is my feel towards you or your feel towards me.. Looks may not had to be handsome but at least decent look? Not like those i see already i feel like punching? Or my friend feel like punching? Ofcourse you temper and characteristic is one of my option also.. If you got a dam bad temper i sure will suffer. Abit bad it's ok.. Bad charactistic, sorry you're out.

I'm neither a beauty. So i don't expect much from my boyfriend. As long as it's able to get a decent/stable job/salary. Well, not a over playful kind, will do.. So hard?

Aiya... I'm venting again... Digging out all the past. I just can't walks out of my past can't i? It's hard to let go.. for me.... I do want a decent relationship sometimes. Someone that i can hug when i'm happy and want shares my happiness, someone that i can lean on when i need a shoulder to cry on or sleep on. But everything just don't go well. Can't blame anyone. Can only blame myself or my pass life. Or bacause i changed too much since young...

Well i guess i should stops here. No point venting anymore.

Words for ZhiWei if you got reads it, still want to fuifill your promise for me ma? Guess you also not reading de la. hahha. Everyday busy GE-ing.

Gratz for your last paper, may your result is the top and good luck in finding a job =)

(Where is my new job =/)